PRACTICE AND POLICY LECTURE SERIES, OCTOBER 2013 - DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: THE HIDDEN EPIDEMIC

No Audio: Jacqueline Steyn, YWCA Oklahoma City. jsteyn@ywcaokc.org

Jacqueline Steyn: Alright, thank you Karen and thank you so much for the opportunity to be here. This is a topic that is so near and dear to my heart and I always enjoy the opportunity to come and speak with you. What do we think? Domestic Violence, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Did we know this? It's purple. Some of you are wearing purple. I don't know if it's on purpose or not. Is it on purpose? Absolutely, purple is the color for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This is the scissor tail that we managed to get lit purple two years in a row. And you know who took this photograph? Unbelievable photographer Caroline Miller. She's a photographer in the OKDHS design services. 

(applause)

Ms. Steyn (continues): Hi! I wanted to make sure you got credit for that because we think it's just awesome. Secondly, we're going to talk today about domestic violence the hidden epidemic. In many ways, still, domestic violence is shrouded in darkness and secrecy behind closed doors. Not as much as it used to be in the past absolutely not as much. But still, this is kind of like a silent epidemic and we want to do what we can to continue to raise awareness. 

Many of you are aware that OKDHS is becoming a trauma-informed system, yes? So exciting. Domestic violence service providers over the last two years have worked to become trauma-informed as well. I recently learned that it's not an event, it's definitely a process that can take a considerable amount of time and effort and energy. But what I knew, and what is most exciting to us in the domestic violence field, as we're converging and as OKDHS is becoming trauma-informed, child welfare as a domestic violence service provider community is becoming trauma-informed, I know that this is going to create a safer environment. It will contribute to the safety of families here in Oklahoma when we're trauma-informed. 

But you know what one of the most important things about becoming trauma-informed is? Is paying attention to the vicarious trauma and burn out of staff who work with traumatized clients, right? Traumatized children, traumatized adults. DHS does it, we do it, therapists do it. And we are often impacted, right? So having said that, I thought we could all take a stress test. 

Anybody here feel like there's no reason to take a stress test? No interest to you? You got it covered, no interest, right? Okay, we need to take a stress test. So I'm going to give you the instructions. I'm going to show you two dolphins jumping out of the water. They are identical, twin dolphins, and scientific research has suggested that the more differences you see between the two dolphins, the greater chance that you're experiencing stress and really need to consider that vacation, okay? Be thinking where you would go. 

I sometimes think actually that just a day where nobody even barely looks at me is probably as good as a vacation. But think about where you would go when I show you the two dolphins, alright? See how many difference you find.

No Audio: A dolphin and a cow are pictured jumping out of the water side-by-side.

(laughter) 

Ms. Steyn (continues): Anybody see one or two differences? So, we've got that vacation. Actually please don't raise your hand on this because it's probably diagnostic, I'm not sure diagnostic of what exactly, but is there anybody that doesn't see any differences between the two dolphins?

(laughter)

Ms. Steyn (continues): Okay, don't raise that hand. What do we know about domestic violence? My task here today is to really think about putting out some awareness around identifying domestic violence, how we can respond to domestic violence. And I'd like to know who we have. We have Department of Human Services in the audience, yes? CASA? Other non-profits? Okay, anybody else that I missed? 

So what do we know? How do we identify domestic violence? Well Ban Ki Moon, the United Nations Secretary General has said this, "There is one universal truth, applicable to all countries, cultures and communities: violence against women is never acceptable, never excusable, and never tolerable." We know this. Worldwide, 35% of women experience either physical and/or sexual intimate-partner violence or non-partner sexual violence. And the majority of violence against women is intimate-partner violence. And that was from the study from the World Health Organization. 

What do we know about here in the United States? Well we know that one in four, from a Department of Justice survey, that one in four women will be victimized by an intimate partner at some time during her lifetime, and 84% of spouse abuse victims were females. But I think that domestic violence only rises to the level that a community is willing to tolerate. Yes? What about Oklahoma? Some of you may have recognized at this point that I'm probably not from Oklahoma. But I've been practicing you all, y'all. 

(laughter)

Ms. Steyn (continues): And I think I'm doing pretty good. I really do. There's so many wonderful things about Oklahoma. It's why I have chosen this as my home. I have never met such wonderfully welcoming and friendly people in all my travels in all the places I've lived. But, there are still some things here in Oklahoma that we need to attend to. I think we can all agree to that. And one of them is domestic violence. 

As of the most recent statistics that came out now in September, Oklahoma now ranks third in the nation for women killed by men in single-victim, single-offender incidents. That is worse than we were last year, the year before I should say because this is 2011 data. The year before, we ranked 17th. We've gone in the wrong direction. We are now ranking third as a state. Also, the lifetime prevalence, and this is from the National Violence Against Women survey through the CDC in 2010, but the lifetime prevalence of rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner is greater for Oklahoma women than in any other state. 

We have work to do, don't we? Back to here. We don't want to be that community that tolerates domestic violence. In 2011, which is what we are third in the nation, that was the year that that ranking came from, we lost 38 women who were murdered by men in single-victim, single-offender incidents, and the average age was 40. We had one woman that was Asian, one woman that was Native American, nine women that were African American, and we had 27 women who were Caucasian. What is important to me here, is that I always want to put a face to these statistics. We hear so many numbers, but I really want us to see who we're talking about. 

No Audio: The photos of five of the victims of domestic violence in 2011.

So I want to start with Freda Cross over here on the very left. She was 58 years old, an attorney in Oklahoma City. She was murdered by her ex-husband and he committed suicide. Here we have Mae Gaines, 49 years old. She was an accounts manager in the accounting department of the Muskogee Phoenix newspaper. She was murdered by her husband. Then we have Sheila Lee, and she was 50 years old, President of the Lawton Fort Sill Chamber of Commerce. She was murdered by her husband and committed suicide. Victoria Turcios, down here, 43 years old from Tulsa, and murdered by her estranged husband. And then we have Cathy Bartlett and I really wanted to bring Cathy Bartlett to your attention. Cathy Bartlett was one of those 38 women and she's from, she's 57 years old, she was from Bethany and she worked 28 years as a social worker for the Department of Human Services before she was killed by her husband. 

What do we know about the prevalence of domestic violence in terms of substantiated cases in child welfare here in Oklahoma? So the source being the Substantiated Reports for Abuse and Neglect, can you see where we've been? 2009, 9.32%, 2010, 13.57%, 2011, 15.44%, and in 2012, 24.16%. And I recently, this morning I actually got a statistic saying that in 2013, it's 25-ish percent. 

Now, everybody I've talked to, and you know, we're trying to make sense of this, but this isn't, this statistic here is not probably that unusual. When you look at other states and you look at the substantiated cases of domestic violence, it's around 40-ish percent. Right? Whenever I do the level two child welfare training across the state, and I ask the workers to estimate the percentage of their cases that have domestic violence, they put it up to about 50-ish percent. So that's not unusual. 

I think we've gone from, the numbers are going higher because of awareness, and that's exciting to me. So the numbers here don't particularly bother me. I think it's more to do with awareness, and we're identifying and responding. In terms of child support services, about 10% of child support cases here in Oklahoma as of July, 31, 2012, 18,368 had family violence identified. And in terms of TANF, 30-50% of TANF families recipients disclosed domestic violence. 

Let's think about identifying domestic violence. What I think about... I've been doing this work - domestic violence - for 12 years. Prior to this, I was a mental health professional, I probably still am I guess, for the last 25 year of my career. And I don't mind saying, it's a bit of dirty laundry. I don't mind airing it. But I don't mind saying, that I really believe that I didn't know what I didn't know. 

It is so important to get awareness out and training. I think all roads lead back to awareness and training and awareness and training. And I did not know what I didn't know. And the ways, the pathways that I thought would create safety for victims and children were mostly myth. And what I find is that mostly, when we think about identifying what is domestic violence and how to respond to domestic violence, it's mostly myth. 

So I really think that when we're looking at identifying domestic violence and responding to domestic violence, we have to remember that it's a little bit counterintuitive to many of us. It kind of goes, it's a bit contrary to what common sense would suggest. A couple of things to highlight here: there is a significant overlap between domestic violence and child maltreatment. About a 30-60% overlap. It's estimated that in 30-60% of the families where either domestic violence or child maltreatment is identified, it's likely that both forms of abuse exist. 

Impacted children, I wanted to, when I started my work at the YWCA, I was the children's therapist. It's probably still the most favorite thing that I did while I was there, now I'm doing all kinds of other things like presenting. But the children's therapy, I really got to understand children's experiences with domestic violence and sexual assault and how they're impacted. 

So there's various ways that children impacted here at this intersection. One of course is children can die, yes? I don't have the most current statistic on this, but as of October last year, between January and October, seven children in Oklahoma had died because of domestic violence. But they may be witness to homicide, and if you read, and it's a really good read, it's excellent in terms of data for Oklahoma, is the report that is generated from the Oklahoma Domestic Violence Fatality Review Board as they review the homicide cases. 

And they have found consistently, year after year after year that one third of the cases of homicide, children were present. One third. And then of course, children can be accidentally injured, right? Caught in the crossfire for example. Or, you know, a tug of war between parents, and children dropped, and we've seen head injuries result in from cases like that. 

But again, we have the overlap with child maltreatment, so there's direct child abuse, physical, sexual, psychological, emotional neglect. Impact to the child from parenting style in coercive control tactics of the perpetrator. And if you wanted to get inside the head of a perpetrator of domestic violence in terms of those tactics and that control, particularly as it impacts children, the two best books you'll ever read are by a gentleman by the name of Lundy Bancroft and one is called "The Batterer as a Parent" and the other is called, I've lost it. I'll come back to it. "When Dad Hurts Mom." 

Okay, but in addition to all of these things, the other impacted children is what we refer to as "the adversity package," because children here are not only at risk for physical harm and psychological, emotional harm, but they're also at risk for poverty, homelessness, substance abuse in the home. In 2011, 62% of the women that came to our shelter for services in very extremely dangerous situations were currently using substances as a means to cope. 

So we know too that there's an overlap with domestic violence and substance abuse. The OKDHS definition for domestic violence means, and it changed last year July, it means assaultive or coercive behaviors such as physical, sexual, and psychological attacks, or economic coercion against another adult, emancipated minor, or minor child who are family or household members or who were in a dating relationship. And actually we seem to be seeing quite an increase in dating violence between twelve- and thirteen- and fourteen-year-old dating partners, boyfriends and girlfriends. And we have to start there. I believe this. We have to get out there as much as we can into the middle and high schools, and really begin to take a look at this more closely. 

The working definition of domestic violence, the clinical definition that we use is slightly different, not a lot different. But we talk about it being a pattern, number one. And we talk about it being assaultive and coercive behaviors. And as of last year with the OKDHS definition, what they did is they took out the word "pattern." Our working definition continues to be pattern, this definition is from the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges. 

But there was some good thinking and some rationale around changing that definition, which... but for the presentation today, we're talking about identifying it from this definition. What do we think about is the attributable causes for domestic violence? This is where we have a lot of mythology in our community. First of all, we do believe it's a learned behavior, learned in the family of origin. 

We know, when you look at a meta-analysis of all of the research that's been conducted on this particular issue, about 50% of young boys that are raised in homes where there is domestic violence will go on to perpetrate domestic violence in their adult relationships. So we here are talking about the intergenerational cycle of violence. Domestic violence is not caused by the following, but these issues can exacerbate the violence. Substance abuse exacerbates the domestic violence and adds what I call another layer of lethality, another layer of risk. 

But it would be myth to think that substance abuse causes domestic violence. There may be some instances where that in fact is true, depending on the drug, right? For example, we know that methamphetamine use may cause a person to be overly aggressive, violent, right? 

But what do you look for to know whether it's domestic violence or it's methamphetamine violence? You look to see if the only person that that person is abusing is their intimate partner. Because if somebody was violent because of methamphetamine, they would be violent towards everybody, right? Because it's the impact on the brain. So those are what we always look to. We always look to, yes, but is this the only person that that person is abusing? And that helps us make the distinction. 

And methamphetamine may increase somebody's violence, but it doesn't cause them to be coercively controlling of another person. And that's where some of that myth comes in. We also know that mental health issues do not cause domestic violence, but if you now have the triad: child maltreatment, domestic violence, substance abuse, and mental health issues, then again we're layering risk. 

There's no psychological diagnosis for perpetration of domestic violence. It can be exacerbated by external stress, and one of those stressors that we look at is unemployment, for example, can be quite a stressor. And we also know that domestic violence is not about an inability to manage anger. Perpetrators of domestic violence manage their anger very well, very well indeed. It's a control issue, not an anger issue. 

In fact, Lundy Bancroft has said that our goal in batterer intervention programs, is not to teach a perpetrator of domestic violence how to get control over themselves because they do have control over themselves. I'm hoping to be able to show you a very small video shortly and you'll see this. It's not about helping that person gain control of themselves, it's about helping that person let go of control of their partner. 

That's where safety is when there's domestic violence. Law enforcement will tell you when they go out onto the scene of domestic violence that quite often, and not to mention that it's one of the most dangerous things they can do, but they will tell you that often times the calmest person on the scene is the perpetrator, and the person who's over here and seems out of control is the victim, and why? Because that is the impact of trauma and victimization. 

And fight or flight that that person may be experiencing at that moment. Okay, has anybody in here not seen the Power and control Wheel? I don't want to belabor it if most people in here are familiar with it. Okay, one or two have not seen it. Basically, the Power and Control Wheel is all about coercive control. It's all about the fact that perpetrators of domestic violence are not married to the violence, they're married to the control. 

A victim can still be a victim of domestic violence without ever having been physically or sexually assaulted in the relationship. But this can be as dangerous for many victims. For example, using intimidation through looks and gestures and threats. What about you have a victim whose perpetrator goes down to the stables and shoots her favorite horse dead this morning? Didn't touch the victim. Is that a threat? Absolutely. 

I have heard that the very credible threat of a violent death is enough to keep anybody in control. You may never even ever have to touch that person. So with coercive control, we look at all of the different ways around the wheel that perpetrators of domestic violence exert control dynamics, exert control on their victims and on the whole family. So we're talking about emotional abuse. 

Often we're talking about families that are isolated. The more isolated the victim and her children are from her support system, the more likely it is that you can continue to perpetrate violence. So we often see victims and children that come to us who are fairly isolated in so many ways. Of course perpetrators, but we see victims do this too, don't we, in terms of minimizing, denying, and blaming, not a good sense of accountability for the violence, not very reliable reporters, using children as tools against the adult parent, and using economic abuse. 

And I don't need to go through all of these verbatim, but there's a couple that I just wanted to highlight for you. These are the different types of abuse that we see with the Power and Control wheel. We all understand physical violence, but down here at the bottom, I wanted to bring your attention very quickly to sleep deprivation, withholding of food, water, medication and medical care. That's a key component of physical abuse that we don't often think about. 

We had a little boy in our child care. He was two years old. He could not articulate what was happening to him, but basically he, every so often he would just become inconsolable. It almost looked like a tantrum. We could not console him in our child care. We come to find out that when this was happening, the pattern was every time the door for child care closed - that's when this happened. And we found out from his mother that dad was holding him hostage and locking him in the room for days on end without food and water. So as a trigger for trauma, every time the door for the child care closed, that's when this child had a response. So these are kind of almost like torture tactics. 

And the other thing, and I know that everybody is familiar with the strangulation piece, but just to reiterate, strangulation is one of the biggest lethality risk factors that we know. When we work with families, that's one of the most important questions we have to ask. "Were you ever strangled at any point in time during the relationship?" Strangled, suffocated. Most victims won't say, "I've been strangled." They'll say, "I've been choked." And sometimes they'll say, "Yeah he kind of held me up against the wall." But your next question is "Where were his hands?" Because they don't always go there and we have to ask. 

But strangulation is one of the biggest risk factors that we know of. We always want to ask it. And if you do ever run into somebody who's been recently strangled within the last two weeks, it will be important to encourage them to get a medical exam. Because do you remember Liam Neeson's wife on the slopes and she had a head injury and then just a couple of days later she died? She didn't feel anything, but died. That can happen with strangulation victims. More and more now, we're also hearing of perpetrators of domestic violence also strangling the children. 

So sexual abuse - I think we pretty much understand what that looks like. And inserts the psychological abuse and threats and forcing the person to do degrading things, and controlling their activities, and where they go, and who they see and how long they're gone for. That they can only go to work and come back from work and go nowhere else. Creating crisis, minimizing, blaming, denying, forcing the victim to engage in illegal activity. 

And any attorneys in the room? So this is not a legal definition of extortion, but it's, this is what I've called it because we are seeing it now. I think it's always been there, but now we're recognizing it more. But this is where the perpetrator of domestic violence threatens to disclose something about the victim to other people in her life that she doesn't want other people to know. And don't we share things with our intimate partners that we just don't want other people to know? 

And some of those things in the case of domestic violence, may be things that that person was forced into doing in the first place. So what about a victim of domestic violence who's forced onto the ground on all fours in her undies, forced to eat dog food and whose perpetrator threatens to send that to her employer? Most victims would do anything to prevent that from happening including staying in the relationship. And then all the different ways in which economic abuse is perpetrated in these relationships is huge. 

The number one - there's a tie - the number one reason that victims of domestic violence ultimately leave the abusive relationship is fear and their children. The number one reason that victims go back, and you've heard the statistic, right, seven to nine times before they leave for good, is lack of economic resources. So I say when we're working with these families, the most important thing we can do is help support economic resources for that family. It's so critical. 

The Homeless Alliance here in Oklahoma City has said that 70% of the clients that come to them who are homeless or nearly homeless are there because of domestic violence past or present. We know that domestic violence is one of the principal causes of homelessness for women and children. In terms of the cycle of violence, I am just going to swing on through this. But about 50% or so of victims of domestic violence relate to the cycle, not all do okay? 

But I wanted to say that at the beginning of every relationship - and here's a bit of a myth - there's a myth I think that victims of domestic violence choose partners that are going to abuse them. Sort of on purpose. That's a myth. Actually, I think that predators pick their prey based on vulnerabilities, a whole array of vulnerabilities. So, and what also leads us away from the idea that victims of domestic violence choose perpetrators, and I think it's important for us to discuss this because that may be an area of judgment that we have towards a victim, right? 

If you chose it, you kind of deserve it, right? And if you chose it, there's clearly something wrong with you. That's why you chose to get into an abusive relationship. But don't we all have a honeymoon phase at the beginning of our relationships? Nod, okay. Anybody who remembers it like it not that long ago? They can still remember it? Scott? 

(laughter)

Ms. Steyn (continues): How did you feel during that honeymoon phase? Alright, you had lots of energy around the person? Did you want to be with your beloved all the time? Did people tell you anything wrong about your beloved? That he's just a loser, he's not the guy for you. She's not the girl for you. Right? We don't believe that. Nobody can tell us anything during that honeymoon phase. You used to be able to stay up till three o'clock in the morning talking to your beloved on the telephone and be up six o'clock for work, no problem. Right? And now if you're like me, it's "Honey, I love you very, very much, but it's nine o'clock, shut up!"

(laughter)

Ms. Steyn (continues): Right? And I was one of those three o'clock in the morning people. And he wonders, how did that change? So, in the beginning of any relationship, including domestic violence relationship, there is a honeymoon period, absolutely, okay? But then over time, things change, and there are warning signs in there. 

There are warning signs, right? Like trying to control their activities, who they see, where they go, jealousy and possessiveness kind of begins to creep in. With our teens, we see that they're getting 500 text messages a day. "Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with?" As parents we need to attend to that. 

And then at some point there may be a violent episode if this relationship becomes physically violent. And then afterwards... I have a disease because it's called "Watch Lifetime Disease." I watch Lifetime. There should be a support group. It doesn't help me. My husband tells me, ôYou're taking your work home with you when you do that.ö And he's right, because it's all about domestic violence. But that's when on Lifetime you see the dozen red roses. And "I'm sorry. I'll get counseling. It won't happen again." 

But we subsequently now rename that as the manipulation phase. That's the cycle of violence. Children relate to this as well. Had a twelve-year-old boy who told me every time after dad was violent, he would take the family on vacation. And it was the best time. I want to just briefly talk here about when victims use force. This is important because many battered women will at some point in the relationship use physical force for a variety of different reasons. 

Unfortunately when they do, they're often caught up into our systems as being a co-perpetrator. We need to be able to distinguish between who's the perpetrator and who's the victim. It's not always easy, not always possible. But to the extent possible, we need to try to avoid battered women getting caught up. You know, fight or flight can result in a lot of different ways in which people will fight back when they're being assaulted, right? 

But battered women use force in self-defense, which is not a crime, including escape attempts, preempting or inducing the violence to get it over with, because not using force has not kept them safe before. And because of and we all remember the movie, The Burning Bed, for retaliation for history of abuse. 

You know, the research is that about one third of battered women will pick up some weapon at some point during the relationship in self-defense. Let's look at danger and safety. Domestic violence perpetrators are a diverse population. They vary in terms of their level of dangerousness, right? We can't sweep everything with the same brush. 

Also they vary in terms of their level of parenting as well. Some perpetrators of domestic violence are very willing and wanting to improve their parenting with their children. They want to find ways now after they've perpetrated domestic violence to help their children feel safe around them. And we have lots of ways that we work with perpetrators in our batterer intervention programs to help them do that if that's something that they're wanting to do. 

But they vary too in terms of their levels of dangerousness. I had my car blown up by a perpetrator of domestic violence, I believe. The caveat is I don't know for sure. Everybody, including the forensic guys believe very strongly that it was not a random act of violence. No charges were filed, but I was doing some pretty heavy work with children and going into court on custody and divorce. There were one or two that were particularly threatening in terms of thinking that I was getting between them and custody of their children, which I'm not allowed to do as a licensed professional, right? 

But just going into court and talking about observations. That was very threatening, right? And one of the three that I thought who could have potentially done this was a police officer. And domestic violence professionals go on special training for police-perpetrated domestic violence and for military-perpetrated domestic violence because it adds, again, another layer of danger. 

Of course, by far and away the majority of law enforcement officers and military are not abusive in their intimate partner relationships, but when they are it adds another layer of danger. Yet two o'clock in the morning, car blown up, for one very small moment in time, I really felt like I understood what a victim would go through. 

I was edgy, I was nervous, I was checking doors. I was asking myself, "Shall I go to court? Shall I continue to go in? I mean, I think this is a threat not to. Shall I go?" My poor husband had to build a little, it looks very awkward, a wooden fence right around the window where my daughter's bedroom faces out onto the street because I didn't want anybody on the street looking into the bedroom. I considered moving homes. 

And then I thought, "Wow, we always ask, why do victims of domestic violence not be willing to go into court on a protective order? Why do they not, why aren't they willing to go into a criminal court?" I hear the district attorney say this all the time. "They're not cooperative. They won't go in." I had one fairly small event and I was really questioning what I should do around that. So I understand that risk and that fear of retaliation. 

Perpetrators have the potential to inflict serious physical harm, but not all do. Psychological traits, there's no single personality structure universal to this population, no diagnostic category in the DSM. Interestingly enough, when psychological evaluations are ordered for victims and perpetrators of domestic violence, which is all good if you're getting them because the person has or you suspect a serious mental illness or it's impacting their parenting. 

But if you're trying to discern whether or not somebody's perpetrating domestic violence or is a victim of domestic violence, there is no diagnosis for perpetration of domestic violence. And so the psychological evaluations come back which are then used in court - in all of our courts, juvenile court, criminal court, family courts where the perpetrators actually looks pretty squeaky clean, no diagnosis for that. 

And what does the victim's psychological evaluation come back looking like? We see this over and over again. The impact of trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety, which are all diagnoses. And they also differ in terms of their patterns of coercive control. 

In your hand-out here, I have given you a copy of the Danger Assessment by Jacquelyn Campbell. Can I borrow one? Can somebody let me borrow one, thanks. Thanks, Sue. This is an evidence-based tool, considered to be the best we have. It's called a danger assessment. Now you'll see that you don't have the scoring protocol attached to this. The reason is because I can't give you the scoring protocol unless you go online and get yourself certified, which you can do for $25 and I see no reason why anybody and everybody can't go and get certified with the danger assessment in all of our professions. 

Even law enforcement uses an abbreviated version of the danger assessment when they go out onto the scene of a domestic violence incident. If the victim on the scene screens in, they offer her the opportunity to get on the hotline immediately with an advocate, which makes a huge difference for safety. That was a research study that's been completed, but Oklahoma City Police Department is continuing to do it. I think everybody should use this. 

I'd like to, I'm wondering if maybe Child Welfare might find some value in using a danger assessment out on the scene. You know? There may be some things we have to look at with regard to that, but you know this is the evidence-based tool. These are the top lethality risk factors and when you get the scoring protocol, you see whether or not the score means that you're in the mild risk, moderate risk, severe risk category. And that helps us as professionals know what to do next. 

On the back... and so anyway, the danger assessment is Dr. Jacquelyn Campbell. All you do is you Google in Danger Assessment and you can go get yourself certified if you want. But those are the things that we look at, right? We look at the increase in severity and frequency of the violence. Does he own a gun, etc., etc. On the back, these are mine. I call them flashpoints. 

They're not addressed on the danger assessment, but these are times, events in a victim's life that can escalate the potential for violence right now, okay? So when the victim files a protective order, when the protective order is served to the respondent, when the perpetrator's released from prison. 

You have in front of you a blue pamphlet. It's the VINE program. It's run through the Office of the Attorney General here in Oklahoma. It's a national program, but it's an exceptionally important program for you to be aware of when we think about safety. What happens is, if a victim signs up for the VINE program, she will be immediately notified in real time when the perpetrator is released from jail, if he's gone in for 48 hours or he's been in for weeks or months, or when the protective order is served. Immediately notified by phone, text, email. I mean they get ahold of the person. And that way victims can make safety decisions for themselves because we know those are times when there can be flashpoints for violence. 

Because who is the perpetrator blaming for the protective order? Self? Victim. So we have to be really careful. And these are other times when safety can be compromised, flashpoints. One is when there's an initiation of divorce proceedings, or there's ongoing divorce and custody proceedings, visitation and exchange of children. Particularly when the victim initiates domestic violence services or legal services. Do you think perpetrators of domestic violence are going to be thrilled about that? Potentially not. So we have to find ways to do that safely. 

So I think, I really wanted you to know about the danger assessment and the flashpoints for violence that you can have no matter what area you're working in. It can be helpful. In terms of the top lethality risk factors from the danger assessment, here they are in order of danger. 

Top lethality risk factor. If the perpetrator ever used or threatened to use a gun, knife or other weapon against the victim. Ever threatened to kill or injure the victim. Ever tried to strangle the victim. If the abuser was violently and constantly jealous. And if the abuser had ever forced the victim to have sex. About 60% or so of victims of domestic violence say that they're also sexually assaulted within the context of that relationship. 

Even just access to firearms increases the risk of intimate partner homicide more than five times. Perpetrators who possess guns tend to inflict the most severe abuse on their partners. In Oklahoma, over a ten year review of homicides, 52% of the homicides were committed with a firearm. We want to take that seriously when we're talking about domestic violence. I wanted to just check the time. 

I'm going to show you a four-minute video. It's a little harrowing, I have to admit so take care of yourself, do what, you know, you think is best for yourself, but I don't want to ever do a presentation anymore unless I show this video. Because what this video does, and what it did for me five years into the field is it changed how I understand domestic violence. It put a face on it for me. It helped me understand that it's not just physical violence that we're looking at, but that we're also needing to understand fully what psychological and emotional abuse looks like for victims and the impact on children. 

This is the video of a thirteen-year-old boy who is forced to pick up a camera and videotape the abuse of his mother by his father. It was aired on Oprah. It's freely available on YouTube. It's a great training tool. It really does... I didn't understand domestic violence properly. I used to ask, "Did he call you a name?" in our intake and the person would say, "Yeah he called me a name." And then I would move on to the more important stuff, the physical violence and the strangulation, and never understood that the psychological chains, which will you hear, are just as strong as any real, you know, chains that exist. 

So letÆs take a look at this, just be thinking about what you see, your observations. Again, it's a little harrowing so just that's the caveat here. Thanks.

(Video plays)

Narrator: In a nice neighborhood in upstate New York, in a nice house like the ones you know, behind closed doors, a father commands his thirteen-year-old son to pick up a camera and start recording. 

Father: Look at me, bitch. You play those stupid games.

Ms. Steyn (continues): We might see it...

Father: I'll knock your teeth right out of your face. 

Narrator: The father delivers a verbal flogging to the mother in front of their children. 

Father: You act like a (censored) in front of the kids. 

Narrator: It will go on for nearly an hour. 

Father: You little slut. (inaudible) I won't stop. I won't stop.

Narrator: It is domestic abuse. The kind we hear about, but often don't believe.

Father: I don't want to see your stupid ass cooking something. You stupid ass heifer. 

Narrator: Susan is 42 years old. They have three children. The father, Ulner directs his thirteen-year-old son, the cameraman to get a close up of their emotionally battered mother. 

Father: Zoom in. Do you see the tears?

Anchor: What do you see when you look at her?

Mother: A woman desperate. Desperately trying to save whatever she can salvage of her family. Desperately trying to please her husband to do whatever it is that he wants her to do. 

Narrator: According to a Department of Justice survey, one in four American women experience domestic violence.

Father: You know more of what's going on at work than in your own house. 

Narrator: At the time of the tape, she was working, he was not. He was jealous of men on the outside. 

Father: And it's got to do with somebody at work, heifer!

Mother: It does not. I don't have anyone. 

Father: Heifer! Lying ass!

Mother: I can't tell you how many baseball coaches I was accused of, swimming teachers, Karate teacher, other parents, anything.

Father: Video this lying ass ho.

Narrator: But her greatest agony is the role of her children. 

Anchor: When you think your son is on the other side of that lens.

Mother: Not only that, my younger son was right there also. 

Anchor: He was in the room?

Son: (inaudible)

Narrator: Their youngest son, eight years old. 

Father: Sit your stupid ass on the ground.

Narrator: June 22, 2003 terrifying images of physical abuse. The kinds the experts say takes place every 15 seconds someplace in this country. The difference is, this is caught on video.

Father: You don't know what to do, look at your stupid ass. Look at the way you look.

Narrator: Behind the camera, a thirteen-year-old boy watching his mother slapped, slugged, and throttled by his father. 

Father: You keep playing (censored) games with me, I'm going to knock your head across that wall. 

Narrator: At one point, for nearly three minutes, the son seems unable to record what the father is doing. He keeps the lens facing away towards his own feet.

Father: You follow what I say to the T. 

Narrator: The terrified mother, Susan covers her face while the father, Ulner strangles her, throws her to the floor.

Father: You have a stupid ass nerve about your stupid ass. (Inaudible) 

Narrator: With the help of police over the next few hours, she ran a heart-pounding race against the clock since her husband controlled every minute of her day. She had to get to the children before he did and before he made an irrational move. Officer Cathy Onions. 

Officer Onions: We decided to have Susan call the residence and speak to her husband to reassure him that that she picked up the son as she was instructed to. We wanted to document what his response was to this conversation. And to have it on tape. 

Mother on tape: Hello, honey.

Father on tape: Where are you? 

Mother: I'm afraid to come home. I'm afraid to come home. 

Father: You stupid ass heifer. What do you mean you afraid to come home? You better bring my son home. You don't bring my son home, I'm going to kill you. 

Mother: But I don't want you to hurt me. 

Father: Where the (censored) are you?

Mother: I'm afraid to come home.

Narrator: In the end, Ulner is found guilty on all counts. The judge, who will never forget that searing tape, hands down a sentence of 36 years.

Judge: The videotape is, it's terrible. And as you can see, it still gets to me. 

Ms. Steyn (continues): Thank you. Okay, that's, that is somewhat sobering, isn't it? When we're working with victims of domestic violence, not all relationships look the same, right? And they vary in terms of their level of abuse, their level of physical violence. And they vary in terms of their level of coercive control. But, whenever I'm working with a victim of domestic violence, now, I remember Susan. She is in the back of my head. Because more than likely, that is who we are working with. 

When we're working with somebody who is a victim of domestic violence and meeting that definition we talked about earlier, assaultive and coercive control. Did you hear the control in this video? "You follow what I say to the T." And did you see at the end where he threatened to kill her on the phone? So, when we're doing this work, let's keep this in mind. And did you see the perpetrator there, Ulner, I didn't see a lot of anger from him. I saw a very controlled response, almost like by design. 

But when you look at Susan, and you look into her eyes, you see trauma. You see somebody who's been beaten down, and beaten down, and traumatized. And is doing whatever she can right then because we might ask, why did she just stand there? But probably doing whatever she can to just survive. I think doing what she can to protect her children. One thing I wanted to make sure we all understand, beyond what we think about is the obvious signs of protection for victims of domestic violence, like they're protective because they left, or they're protective because they went to get a protective order. Sometimes those things don't always keep victims and families safe. 

That doesn't mean that you don't have to sometimes move in and take care of the needs of children no matter what the victim is choosing to do to keep herself safe, right? We understand that we all have a role to play here in the protection of children. But I want us to really be sure and it goes beyond the scope of this conversation, but I want us to really be sure to understand that battered women often protect their children in ways that are nothing short of heroic. And they need our praise for that. 

They have protected their children in so many ways that are just not easily seen to us. Counterintuitive. When I look at this video, I sometimes think, "Was she not reacting because she knew it would make it worse and the children would have to see that?" That's the face of trauma. Domestic violence doesn't stay at home when victims come to work. 

And so one of the things I really want to talk about was, we understand that domestic violence knows no boundaries, right? No economic boundaries, no racial, cultural, age, gender, socioeconomic status. 85% of victims of domestic violence are female, 15% are male - of that type of violence. There's different types of violence in intimate partner relationships. If you're interested in that, the work of Doctor Michael Johnson is the person you need to look at because there's different types of violence. But domestic violence, 85% by that definition are female. So these can be your coworkers. 

If one in four women are victims of domestic violence, then any organization, and how many employees does OKDHS have for example? 7,000.And one in four, how many? Because nobody's exempt, right? So, when I've done the level two training, and I've done, oh probably over 1,000 Child Welfare workers I've trained in the last two, three years, at least 10%, at least for every training of at least 30 employees, I've had two or three come and disclose themselves being victims of domestic violence, either now or in the past. That's 10%. That's a little low, actually when we understand one in four, but that's who's disclosing. And I saw a report, I think a press release from DHS, talking about the 10%. But it's in every single organization across our community. 

So it's important for us to be able to recognize these things. About 74% of employed battered women were harassed by their partner while they were at work. And another survey, 24% of women between the ages of 18 and 65 who had experienced abuse said that abuse caused them to miss days at work. 37% said domestic violence had a negative impact on their job performance. And 96% experienced problems at work due to abuse. I won't go through these. 

No Audio: Warning Signs - unexplained injuries, dress that seems inappropriate, uncharacteristic absenteeism - tardiness - late for work, fluctuations in job performance for no apparent reason, uncharacteristic signs of anxiety - emotional distress - tearfulness, seems distracted or has trouble concentrating, hints of problems at home, requests for special accommodations - to leave work early - to go to court, etc.

Any of you who have been to any presentation I've done before knows I just throw in the kitchen sink for you. So you have a lot of information to take back with you to refer to. But these are the warning signs you might see on the job if you have a coworker that may be experiencing domestic violence. You know, all of these kinds of things that we look at, unexplained injuries, maybe their dress seems inappropriate, wearing long sleeves in the summer for example. And so on and so forth. 

You don't just look at one or two of these warning signs, but you look at them together. And you can go through what some of these look like. Maybe isolated, unusually quiet, keeping to herself. Maybe getting an unusual number of phone calls. Maybe after some phone calls she seems particularly distressed. So we look at that as well. Maybe the partner is disrupting her in the workplace, maybe even leading to her losing her job. 

In Oklahoma, unemployment benefits are extended to victims of domestic violence, even if they resign if it's on the basis of domestic violence. So that's really important, that's really good because it helps that economic support. Again, these are some of the other warning signs. 

In terms of responding, pathways to safety include pathways to physical safety for the family, and pathways to emotional safety for the family. The two are inseparable. But one of the most important things in terms of our pathway to safety for families is that we really need to make sure that the abused does not become the accused in all of our systems, right? So having said that, we understand that talking about domestic violence can be difficult. 

And if you thought an employee was at risk, how would you handle it? One of your coworkers, a friend, a family, what would you do? Research shows that employers can and do make a difference. And here, I've listed some ways you know, that we can ask the question. You don't ask a victim of domestic violence "Are you a victim of domestic violence?" or "Are you experiencing domestic violence?" Because we all have different definitions of that. 

Are you... we want to ask, "I've noticed that you've been late, or absent, or tired, or different lately, and I'm concerned." "Has your partner ever hit you or threatened to hit you?" I mean, these are the ways we can open it up with our clients as well, right? "Has your partner ever made threats or done other things that make you afraid?" You want to validate the victim's experience. "I'm afraid for your safety," "You're not alone," "Would you like to talk about what has happened to you?" "You are not to blame. It's not your fault." 

A path, the pathway to safety for victims of domestic violence begins with the very first conversation we have with them and how we approach them. And if we approach with this, you know, "You're not to blame, it's not your fault, you don't deserve to be abused," then we open the pathway to safety from the very beginning. And these are other things, you know, that we can say. We don't want to advise her, you know, tell her that you care about her, and don't want to see her get hurt, etc. 

What can organizations do? I think, you know it's good to have a workplace violence policy. Interestingly, domestic violence programs don't all have workplace violence policies, which we need to do. But there's a lot of businesses around Oklahoma that have been working with us at the Y to develop workplace violence policies. I'm not talking about random violence. I'm talking about domestic violence policies. If it's their employees, and what kind of risk is that for employers as well? And what they can do to support. OKDHS has done an amazing job. 

Who here has heard of or is on the Oklahoma OKDHS Domestic Violence Task Force? Oh hi, I recognize you back there. Yes, that task force. I think it's been in existence now for probably close to two years. And one of the things that they're working on too is bringing awareness. They have a website now, are you aware? The Purple Ribbon website on the DHS website where you can go to? And you can find out about domestic violence, how to identify it, what resources exist in the community. It's there and available to you. What a wonderful initiative. We are so excited and that's all going on. 

But you know what else you can do? You can put out agency-wide emails, you can put things on your website, put posters, and brochures and safety cards. But what you want your coworkers to know, what you want your employees to know is this is a safe place for you to disclose. This is a safe place. Get safe cards. You've got safe cards in front of you. Get, see if, you know, you can order those from the Attorney General's office. You can get them in your restrooms. Get them into your women's restrooms. Put posters up in your waiting areas. 

No Audio: Check out the OKDHS Domestic Violence website! http://www.okdhs.org/purpleribbon

This is the website, so you have it there in your handout. This can't get out of this training without knowing the Safeline number. 1-800-522-SAFE. It does save lives, okay? It absolutely does. Our advocates on that hotline know how to assess risk and danger, and they provide safety planning. 

You yourself can get on that safeline and say "I'm running a hypothetical past you. I've tried this and this, are there any other safety options that I can think of to present to this family?" We will work with you on that. The hotline is not just for victims, it's for also professionals who want to call. We're happy to help. 

Just a very, very quick story. Two years ago, the day before Thanksgiving, two blocks from my house, victim of domestic violence, police come out. I heard all the police cars. She decides to leave that night. The police officer did the abbreviated danger assessment with her. We checked, and they did exactly what they needed to do. 

She elected not to call to be connected into an advocate immediately on the hotline, which is protocol. She said, "No, I don't need to speak to that advocate on a hotline. I'm going to leave. I'm going to stay with a friend or family." And she did. If she would've called us, and you know hindsight you never know, you never know. 

But I think when we do safety planning one of the most, we know that this is a risk factor so we try to remember to bring it up. We usually say to that victim, "Okay you've left, great. Let's do some safety planning." And one of the things is you know what most people want to go back and get their belongings, right? The kid wants the XBox. You got to go pick up the diaper bag. And people want to go home and get their belongings. 

And we always say, "But if you do that, that can be very risky. You've challenged your husband's control now, you've left, very dangerous time." The riskiest time for a victim is when they're leaving, planning to leave, leaving, and for up to three months up to a year after they've left. The most dangerous time. Safety planning critical during that time. Most homicides occur after the victim has left. 

So we would have said, "And if you want to go get your belongings, because we know you're probably thinking about that, could you take a police escort?" They will do this. She didn't call, she didn't agree to be linked in to an advocate. The next day she went back to pick up her belongings and he shot her dead, and her three children were there. There are certified programs across the state. 

The YWCA brochure is there, but a listing statewide of all of the domestic violence programs is on the Attorney General's website. It's current. You can find every victim program across the state. It's also on the OKDHS domestic violence Purple Ribbon website as well so you always know where the programs are. 

You've got the VINE and the Address Confidentiality Program pamphlet there in front of you. And anybody over the age of 16 can file for a protective order without a parent, including same-sex dating relationships. And I just wanted to close and then ask if anybody has questions, but I really think there's a momentum in Oklahoma right now. I feel it. I think we're at a tipping point with domestic violence. I feel it. We talk about it all the time. It's everywhere. 

It's out there in our systems. Law enforcement is talking about it. Okay? DHS has some great initiatives around domestic violence right now. There's so much. And the awareness. Anybody see the Uncomfortable Campaign? Talking about domestic violence is uncomfortable. I think it should be uncomfortable. I think that together I know we can improve the quality of life for women, men, families in Oklahoma and remember that domestic violence will only rise to the level that a community is willing to tolerate. 

I think that we as professionals and leaders must rise to that occasion, make a difference in big and small ways every day, join together, collaborate together, and let's send the message that violence against women, and children and men just will not be tolerated in our community. Thank you. 

(applause)