ROAD TO ADOPTION - ADOPTED CHILDREN

No Audio: What it's like Being Taken Away.

(MUSIC PLAYS) 

No Audio: Amanda, Adopted at age 11

Amanda: I was feeling really scared because I didn't know where I was, and I didn't know what was happening or whatever. And because these people just came to my house and just took me. It was, like, at night when they took me to this house and I felt really scared because these were strangers I was living with. I had no idea what was going on. 

No Audio: David, Adopted at age 12

David: My mama had fallen. She started doing drugs and alcohol when she'd pull us out of school and go to our biological dad's house and just do drugs and stuff, and not even care about what we were seeing and stuff, because she'd do it right in front of us. 

No Audio: Tiffany, Adopted at age 14

Tiffany: Living in the group home I felt like I wasn't respected and I was always mad and angry. My former family put me in the group home and they... I thought they didn't love me anymore, it's my fault that I'm in the group home and that I'm not worth anything.

No Audio: Adam, Adopted at age 10
 
Adam: Switched homes, like, more than eight homes, just about. And then, I was getting in a lot of trouble, because, well, I was confused and stuff like that. 

No Audio: Luke, Adopted at age 11

Luke: Well, it's kind of hard because nobody really likes coming from another person's house that you're just starting to get to know, and then you move out, and you got to learn... get to know somebody all over again. 

No Audio: David, Adopted at age 5

David: Like, nobody wanted me. Like, people would give up, like, if I did one little thing wrong. They would just send me away to somebody else. 

No Audio: Timothy, Adopted at age 7

Timothy: I was, like, "Is this the last home I'm going to?" And I go to, like, three more homes. 

Tiffany: Every teenager in foster care always thinks, "Oh, we're never going to get adopted. We're going to stay in foster care until we're 18, because nobody wants teenagers. They want little babies to let them grow up in their home." So we always thought, what's the use of even trying to get adopted?

No Audio: Brittany, Adopted at age 5
 
Brittany: Because once you get bounced around so many times, you would finally, like, give up and say, "It's not going to happen." 

No Audio: The Hope of Being Adopted

(MUSIC PLAYS)
 
Amanda: Well, nobody ever talked to me about being adopted, but I saw people leaving and saying that they were going to get adopted and stuff like that, so once they said that I was wondering in my head how would it be like to be adopted. One day I heard that I had, you know...  I was starting to have weekend visits. 

I knew it was close for me of moving out of the group home. So, I started getting really excited that I was going to stay the weekend with them. And it was... once I went over there, it was just like a miracle happened. It was like I was just getting... it was like I was getting really excited because it was like I was in a home that people actually cared about me and loved me and they wanted to adopt me. So I got really, really excited inside, but I just didn't show it. 

David: I thought it was just another foster care place when I went there, and I didn't know she was planning to adopt me. I just thought we were going to stay in there a few weeks, maybe a month, two months. And then, maybe when my biological mom was doing better we can move back in with her. But I found out that that wasn't going to happen and after a long time being there and finding out I actually wanted to be adopted. 

Amanda: When I was first living with them, I was just excited and everything, and then once they told me I was getting adopted, then I, like, maybe I want to get adopted and maybe I don't. Because I had the feeling inside of me that I was... that my mom was going to do... my real mom was going to do the right thing and everything, where she could actually get us back, and do the right thing where we don't get taken away again. 

And so, I was kind of happy and I kind of wasn't, because then, once I heard that I wasn't going to go back to my mom, then IÆm like, ôI think I should get adoptedö because I would have a family to fall back on later in life and I'm just really excited now that I have been adopted because I have a family to look forward to later in life.

No Audio: Kaylyn, Adopted at age 15
 
Kaylyn: Well, when I first went into foster care I didn't want to be adopted. I wanted to go back with my mom and my stepdad, of course. But just as time passed and I watched how my mom and my stepdad... just things that happened, I wanted to be adopted and figured that that would be best. But, it's good, because now I still have a relationship with my mom. 

David: Something that was inside me felt like that it... these were the only parents who really actually cared about me. So, they chose me and they chose all of us. Because usually I would do something... slip-ups, like do a few things, and they'll send me away, but I did a lot of things that would... I was, like, "How come I'm not going away?" (laughs) So, I was, like, "Well, I guess these parents really care." 

No Audio: Adoption Made a Difference

(MUSIC PLAYS)
 
Luke: When I was in foster care I was, like, not doing so good in school. And then, now, since I'm adopted, I'm, like, making A's and B's. 

No Audio: Jessica, Adopted at age 12

Jessica: They immediately took notice of what our problem was, and they let us stay in counseling and they gave us the support and things that we needed to make it through. 

Tiffany: I wasn't used to having a mom wanting to be so close to me all the time, want to take care of me, because I'm so used to taking care of myself. And the family I have now, I feel more... I think the reason it worked was because my mom now helped me with getting to trust me and helping me to trust her. 

We did things, and she'd never pressure me into doing anything. And if I wanted to talk... she always tells me, "If you want to talk, I'm always open." And I got to trust her and now I can talk to her about anything. 

Brittany: It's very important for you to have an adoptive home, because, you know, like, when you're 18, foster care kicks you out of the system, and then you're on your own. But when you get adopted, then you have a family and you don't have to worry about that so much and you won't have the stress and, you know, they can't bounce you around, and you won't end up in a bad home like the homes they have for kids now that people don't want. 

And so, it's like, I find it very important, because it's like something every kid wants, to go home and to a mother and father, and just to have somebody to spend time with and talk to. 

No Audio: Travis, Adopted at age 9

Travis: You know, it's just nice knowing that there's people out there who care for you and they'll, out of the goodness of their heart, adopt you so you could have a chance at life, a chance of success. You know, knowing that there's somebody there who will love you and care for you. I mean, it's always good to have a feeling of relief, hope. 

No Audio: Trisha, Adopted at age 7

Trisha: Well, knowing that the parents do love you as their own and all the other kids being nice to you and letting you come into their family and really loving you and caring for you, is just kind of like, I do feel loved and I feel like I'm supposed to be here. 

David: They won't give up on you. No matter what you do, they'll still stay there for you. And they just made me feel that somebody actually cared for me. 

David: It was, like, walking into the courtroom and realizing you're going to be a part of this family forever, and then just hearing... just seeing him sign it, just like, was like, "Wow, I can't believe I'm actually going to stay here permanently." 

Luke: I thought when I got adopted that, like, it's a new beginning. Like, all the stuff I did in foster care are done. Now I should have a new one. A second chance in life.

No Audio: Understanding the Adopted Child
 
(MUSIC PLAYS) 

Tiffany: To the foster parent that is thinking about adopting, you shouldn't, like, push the kid to say "I love you" or say, "Call me mama or dad." You should get their... you should let them do it on their terms, not your terms. 

Trisha: I would say treat me as your own child, not as a foster kid in your family. I want to be loved as in I was born from the mother, and just feel like I'm supposed to be there. 

Tiffany: You should let them be able to talk about their birth family, and if they want to see their birth family, when it's the right time, I think you should let them. That's why my adoption now is so successful. I'm able to talk to my mom and my brothers about my birth family. 

Jessica: Being a teenager is hard for a foster child because they go through so many changes and their body is changing, and they have a lot of emotions going on. So it is hard to get close to the foster child that's a teenager, because of all those things. And when you want to help them and love them, you can't just go up to them and automatically say, "I want to love you." You have to get them time so they can come to you instead of you coming to them. 

Brittany: It is kind of scary at first if you're just going into it, but sooner or later you're going to get the hang of it, because you were a kid and you can use that stuff. But they shouldn't be really afraid. 

David: No, you don't have to be like Wonder Woman or Superman. I mean, all you have to do is just try to find a child and care for that child and show that child that you love them, and they will eventually grow to love you.