THE ROAD TO ADOPTION - THE THIEL FAMILY STORY

(MUSIC PLAYS) 

No Audio: Remington, Adopted at age 16

Remington: I was 14, almost 15. I was only two months away. I came into foster care and the first I knew is, I didn't want to go back. I knew I had to find a family somewhere else. 

No Audio: Shelby, Adopted at age 14

Shelby: Family is very important for me. I love... my brother and my sister were my family, and I didn't want to let that go. 

Remington: The problem was I had two younger sisters and I didn't want to be separated from them in the process. 

No Audio: Madisyn, Adopted at age 11

Madisyn: If I would have gotten separated from them, I would not be happy and I would not be a very good child. 

Remington: So, at the age of 15 and having two siblings, I was kind of at a high risk for not being adopted. 

No Audio: Yvette Thiel, Adoptive Parent

Yvette Thiel: I have never been married. I never had any of my own children, but I wanted a family of my own, and I've always known that I wanted to adopt. When I was a small child I knew that someday I would adopt other children. I was home sick for a period of time and I was praying about, should I adopt or be a foster parent? 

And the phone rang. And it was the Department of Social Services, and they had a sibling group that needed a home. And I knew at that instant that these were the children for me. I've always had a heart for families that would have to be broken up in order... because they wouldn't be able to stay together, to be adopted together. 

So that's who I wanted to adopt. I wanted to adopt specifically a sibling group. But because I'd not been married and I didn't have any of my own children, Social Services thought it'd be best if I was a foster parent first. And I was nervous about that. I wasn't too sure that I wanted to have anything to do with teenagers or older children, and especially boys. 

The idea of trying to raise a boy by myself was pretty intimidating. When Social Services called me, they didn't really know too much about the children and weren't able to give me much information, but I knew that one of them was a boy. But I also knew that these were the children I should have. 

Remington: Most people weren't willing to take teenagers or families. 

Shelby: It's very confusing and I didn't know where I was going or who my foster parent was going to be. 

Madisyn: Well, I was brought to DSS and I was stuck in a back room, me and my brother and sister. And I didn't really know anything that was going on at all. And, then my biological family, my grandparents and my Aunt Teresa, who's my mother's sister, they all came, and I was told what was going on: I was going to a foster family and that I would be separated from my biological family. 

And I didn't cry for... I held out for a very long time, and at the end I started crying. And my Aunt Teresa and her daughter Becky, which is my cousin, they were over there and they were comforting us with my grandparents, and I remember the words that Aunt Teresa and Becky told me was, "You're one of the strongest kids I know and you'll get through this." 

Yvette Thiel: When the car  pulled up in the driveway 
and they were coming out of the car, I was so nervous. 
Older children and an older boy, and I didn't know how they were going to act, 
how they would behave. Would they, you know, tear my house apart? 
Would they set me on fire? All kinds of horrible thoughts. 
You know, you just... you didn't know who was coming into your house. 
But what I tried to remember is they didn't know whose house they were going into either.
 
Remington: I was scared. I wanted to know who lived here, what lived here. How many pets? Was there any other children here? You know, the foster care - how many children had she had? I mean I just, I wanted to know about the living environment. 

Shelby: When I first met my foster parent, I was very angry. I didn't want to be in foster care. I didn't talk a lot. I just pretty much kept to myself and clung to my brother and my sister. 

Madisyn: I didn't really like being departed with my family when I first came here, and I missed them a lot. 

Yvette Thiel: I had wonderful training, MAP training, and they really taught me that my job was to see my children reunited with their biological family. And I just said that mantra to myself over and over again. And then one day the mantra had to change. The decision was now, do you want to become these children's adoptive parent? 

And for me, the day they walked into my house from Social Services, that day they became my children. It wasn't when they were adopted that they became my children. It was the first day they came to me. 

Shelby: It actually took me a long time to get used to the fact that I wasn't going to live with my real mom anymore. It was actually a really hard decision, not to call Yvette "Mom," but to realize that I just... I wasn't going back. 

Remington: When I got here, I quickly decided that this is the place I needed to stay. The person that was here was the person I wanted to take care of me. I felt that love. So, she quickly became "Mom," long before I was adopted. 

Shelby: My brother had actually always wanted to be adopted and I was a little uncomfortable with that. But after we terminated rights, where I was not going back to live with my biological parents, I just, I had to make a decision if I wanted to live with someone I knew and loved, or someone I didn't know in foster care. And I didn't want to be in foster care for another couple of years. And I love my mom. 

Madisyn: It took me quite a while to realize that I wanted to be adopted, and by this family. And she gave me the choice when I was going to be adopted, if I would change my name or not. I really wanted a change of name because I wanted a new beginning, and I wanted a fresh start. And I wanted to leave everything that happened to me in the past. 

Yvette Thiel: The most difficult part is the emotional part. Waiting for it to happen, waiting to hear back about the papers and we were not very patient because my son was 16 and he was just very anxious for the adoption to be finalized. 

Madisyn: I was in P.E. class and we were just about to go outside, as usual, and Mom came in and she goes, "You're mine." I didn't really understand. And she goes, "No, listen. You're mine." And she had to say it three times before I actually got, "Oh! I've been adopted. I'm happy." 

And I was jumping up and down, and I knew my friends and everyone else who aren't quite my friends - they're my acquaintances - but I knew they looked at me really weird. And I didn't really care. And so, Rebecca, she's like, she's one of my friends, she goes, "What's wrong with you?" I said, "I'm adopted." And she got this huge grin across her face and the she hugged me and we started jumping up and down. 

Remington: We went out to eat, we came home, we got gifts. We have what's called the new birthday, and we celebrate that. It's the day we're all going to have to memorize what we've been through and where we're at. 

Yvette Thiel: I've felt afraid. I've been afraid and felt like I was going to fail the children and... but I think, I've been told that all parents at some time feel like they're going to fail their children, and... but my children know that my heart is to do my very best for them, that I'm not perfect. 

I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to fail, but they understand that I want the best for them, and that's what I'm trying to do. So when I do make mistakes, I step up to the plate and say, "I made a mistake." And we just go on from there, and the nice thing is about older kids that they've made mistakes, too, so they understand that. 

Remington: When I got here my mom was really just pretty accepting. She was like... she gave me some basic ground rules and she said, "This is what we do and this is what we don't do. If you need help, you come and talk to me. I'm always listening." And it seemed to hold true. Whenever I needed something she was there. 

Yvette Thiel: I have special needs children and that's because I have three teenagers. That makes them special needs. I have special needs children because they're a sibling group. I have three children. I have special needs children because they've had to have some therapy. And so that's what makes them special needs. They're not any more difficult to take care of than any other teenager. They... you get the support that you need to help address the issues they have. 

Madisyn: I think an ideal family is someone who's going to show me that they love me and not just tell me that they love me, and that they're always going to keep me safe, and they're always going to be my refuge. 

Shelby: Someone that would just love me unconditionally. A family that would receive me for the person I am, and not change me, or try and change me, because they didn't like what I was. And, I mean, in time I did actually change some of my behaviors. 

Yvette Thiel: I think it doesn't take a special gift to adopt older children or to adopt three children, unless love is your gift. If you have a heart to love children, then you have what it takes to be a good parent to them, because what the children are looking for is a place to feel loved and accepted and to grow.